Sandra Dee and Bobby Darin:
"Sandra Fights For Her Marriage"
This article, written by Dorothy Day, appeared in Modern Screen Magazine November, 1962
For months the rumors have been running wild
in Hollywood.
Cutting items like
"Sandra Dee's performance in "If A Man Answers" in which she
overshadows husband Bobby Darin, won't help the troubles the two are having."
Or: "Sandra, her mother and Bobby all
want to wear the pants in that marriage--so watch for fireworks."
Or: "Cute little blonde and her singer husband
are trying to pull a Janet-Tony on the press by
protesting all is still sweetness and light in
their marriage."
Sandra hears these things and throws up her
hands in despair.
And she defends her husband like a lioness
defending its cub.
"I like to be bossed. Bobby's the one to
do it, so I certainly got what I wanted in
that respect. It would be stupid to tell him I like it
--- or didn't like it. He'd be boss, whether or not."
"It takes patience to live with me. I change. One minute I'm mad, and the next minute I can't remember why. Nothing worries me for long. For instance, once in a while we have a good fight. Then I'll forget what it's been about. I sit on the bed, ten, twenty, forty-five minutes trying to remember! "And patience! Bobby's full of it. You should see him with our son Dodd. He's great. He doesn't even get impatient when he can't find out why the baby is crying. I act as if I expect that infant to tell me, but Bobby just investigates and makes soothing noises and pretty soon the crying stops.
"But responsibility--that's one of Bobby's great attributes. Responsibility is a good thing to have, yes? Nobody ever mentions that. Like, for instance, one time he promised to do a benefit and it was raining and he had a real sore throat. But he'd promised, and he knew they were depending on him, so he went. Now I'm not responsible. I'm lazy. I'm one of the laziest people I know. But Bobby--what energy!
"But you can't be totally lazy and live with a man like that. For instance he says: 'Get in the car. We're playing golf.' I go. And horseback riding! Who wants to look at a horse early in the morning? I go. I like to sleep late, but when Bobby says go, I go.
"Bobby is never rude. But it has been reported that he is. Not so. For instance, let me tell you. We went to a professional dinner and nothing seemed to be ready. We stood around for a while, but the waiters must have gone out for a slow beer. Anyway, the dinner was awfully late and I had an early call in the morning. I didn't want to stay. I was the one. So we left. My goodness, you'd think we'd committed a crime. The story came out about how rude Bobby was. It was all my fault and he was not rude."
"I was awful while I was pregnant. That was one time I wouldn't go when he said 'go.' I wouldn't go out to dinner one night, so Bobby took my mother. That wasn't rude. Besides, I like to be alone once in a while and Bobby understands that. To Bobby I can do no wrong, and how many wives can make that statement?
"Something awful about me; I love to hear gossip. I don't believe it, but I listen. He hates it. If anybody starts to tell a nice juicy bit about anybody I'm all ears. Not Bobby. He shuts them up.
"But he can be a little boy sometimes. This may be hard for some people to imagine, but he's full of little boy pranks. If he knows some important person is expected on the set he puts up a sign, 'set closed to visitors,' just for fun. He sends flowers to married women with strange love notes. Our friends are getting wise to his tricks, but he'll think up some new ones. When people find out, they always get a good laugh. Once he put lipstick on his conductor's collar so he'd catch it when he got home. Then he chickened out and phoned the man's wife to let her in on the joke before the husband arrived.
"One of the things people don't know about Bobby is his thoughtfulness for others in time of stress. Well, anyway, I can tell you about his thoughtfulness for me. I could also go further afield than just in our home, but there are only so many hours in the day. A little example on the home front: I was making Tammy and the Doctor, and I'd set the alarm for 5:30 A.M. I woke up and saw the sun shining through the glass--the whole house was glass--and I thought that was pretty strange, the sun being up so bright, so early. When I discovered the alarm hadn't gone off on schedule and that it was 8:30, I started to scream. Bobby came rushing in. Boy, was I excited. You'd think the house had caught fire. He calmed me down and said he'd call the studio and explain. Explain! Three hours late and he's going to explain! He didn't tell them a lie about anything--just explained about that stupid alarm clock, and then he said I was awfully sorry about keeping everybody waiting and that I would be there as soon as possible. See, he thought about the people waiting. All I thought about was me being late. I was sorry, of course, so he didn't even lie about that, I just hadn't thought about that.
"Bobby doesn't lie--and you want to know what makes me even more furious than the lies told about us? It's what some
writers say about Bobby. Honestly! They get mad if he doesn't want to talk. No wonder he doesn't. They get him so wrong. You know why? He's so darned honest. And so misunderstood. The publicity he gets should really apply to me! If anybody is flighty, I am. He's the responsible one. The reason he won't talk to some writers is because they ask a point blank question and get a point blank answer--straight from the shoulder. He doesn't color anything. He just says what he thinks, and what is the truth. You know, people say that Bobby is arrogant. It isn't that. It's confidence. His great confidence in himself was the first thing I noticed about him--and I didn't like it either. But you just shouldn't look at one side of a person. You can't make snap judgments. But that confidence does stand out. Then I realized that he had doubts about himself, about his work, his judgment. The confidence he has is in his real self. Walden Cassotto, that's his real name. He knows that boy. We were in Italy, making Come September, suddenly I realized that his confidence was a good thing. If you don't believe in yourself who is going to believe in you?
"The only time I've ever seen Bobby suffer from a lack of confidence was on our way to the hospital when our son was born. Was that a trip! We almost had a fight. Usually Bobby drives as if he had to get there yesterday, but that day he imitated a snail. He took ten minutes to get down the hill from our house. First he couldn't find the car keys, he was so nervous. You'd think he was going to have the baby. Then he said, 'Are you sure you want to go?' I replied, none too gently, 'I can't send mother, can I?'"
"When we came back from the hospital I sent the nurse away. I wanted to be alone with my baby. I made the formula and bathed him. I used to baby sit with my niece and nephew so I knew a thing or two. We both like to take care of Dodd.
"Of course Bobby stands around and bosses, but he helps too. He's a born father. He gets up at five o'clock in the morning to feed the baby and doesn't even mind if Dodd dribbles milk on him. Already that baby knows Bobby's voice. And you should see him change a diaper. He waves it around as if he were a toreador and then fixes it right. I tell you, he's a real born father."
And about those reports that Bobby was miffed about Sandra overshadowing him in If A Man Answers?
Sandra had an answer to that, too.
"In that picture I have the big role--it's my picture--but he takes that in his stride. He doesn't always want to be Mr. Big. He just wants to do everything the best and maybe that's why people get the impression he's arrogant and over-confident. To be sure of yourself, to know yourself, why, that's great. He wants to do just everything to the limit of what is right for his work, and what's wrong with that?
"We play young newlyweds in this picture--boy, is that typecasting--and have problems, but it all turns out fine."
And, she added with a twinkle in her eyes, "everything always does turn out fine when two people love each other."
"And there's just one more thing I'd like to say about Bobby, "I don't think you can like him."
"You hate him or you love him.
"I love him!" And all the rest is talk!
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