"Things I Never Knew About Dating"




This article, written by Sandra Dee as told to Bill Tusher, appeared in Movieland & TV Time Magazine August, 1959

I blush to admit it, but I'm still a beginner at going out with boys. I never really dated until I was 16, and I'm only 17 now, so you can see that I don't exactly qualify as a woman of experience. But I can tell you that I'm learning all the time--and the more I learn, the more I'm amazed at the things I never knew about dating.

First off, I never knew how much fun dating could be ....

I was so surprised to find myself having a good time on dates. It's not at all like I expected! I always thought I'd have to watch my p's and q's and so forth. Well, it's so easygoing I can hardly believe it. I've only learned to be comfortable with boys since I've been dating.

I never knew how easy it is to go out on a date ....

I used to think there would be so much ceremony involved in going out with a boy. I visualized that there would be weeks, maybe even months of hemming and hawing and toe scuffing on his part--sounding out my mother, getting up the nerve to ask me, before anyone asked me out on a date. How little I knew! I guess bashful boys went out of style with the bustle.

I never met Lindsay Crosby until the night I went with some friends to Bing Crosby's house to see Kathy's darling new baby. Lindsay was there, and we were introduced. As I was leaving, he said, "Sandy, how about going to dinner?"

In Grandmother's time I'm sure Lindsay would have been considered very forward. It's so nice not to be living in Grandmother's time. All I could say to Lindsay was, "I'd love to."

Half the time boys will call up and without any preliminaries, say, "Let's go." Half the time I'll go. They'll say, "Are you busy tonight? .... What are you doing tomorrow?" If I like the boy, I'm not busy. If I don't like him I'm very busy doing all sorts of things. Then you find me playing solitaire on the bed.

I never knew that no two boys are alike ....

I've never been out with one boy that was the same as another. Some boys get flustered when you dress up. Some like to crack jokes. Some like to be quiet. I thought a boy's a boy. I never knew how different they could be.

It's like a challenge. Every time you date a different kind of boy you have to see if you fit in. You find that not only is each boy different, but usually his friends are different, too.

All the boys I go out with have only one thing--but a very important thing--in common. It's fun to be with them. But for different reasons. Sal Mineo's gay and unpredictable. He's easygoing and never at a loss for conversation. He sort of takes over. He knows what we're going to do and we do it. Lindsay Crosby is sort of the life of the party. Dean Stockwell is so restful to be with. If I've had a busy day and I'm worn out, he doesn't care if I keep the conversation up. We can just sit quietly and understand each other, and have no embarrassed silences.

It's something special when I go out with Kenny Miller. Kenny and I once were classmates at the Professional Children's School in New York, and I love to reminisce with him. There are not many boys with whom a girl of 17 can talk over old times, you'll have to admit. He's enthusiastic and nice to be with, and there's never a lack of conversation.

I never knew how many opportunities a girl has to pass up ....

I discovered it's just impossible to take advantage of every chance you have to date. There just aren't enough hours in the day, or enough days in the week. I had to discover what I'm sure every girl has discovered before me---that it becomes necessary to say no, and it's nice to find a way of saying no diplomatically. When I was in New York, I used one excuse so often it became a joke among my friends. When certain boys would phone, my mother would say I couldn't talk to them because I was in the shower. No matter when they'd call, it was the same thing. I was in the shower. After a while, I was known as the cleanest girl in town. I found out that there are times when every girl has to make excuses. If for one reason or another I don't feel like dating someone, I'll say, "I'm tired." "I'm not feeling well." "I'm picking someone up at the airport."

I never knew how embarrassing the mumps could be ....

Sometimes when a girl makes an excuse for breaking or not making a date, she may be telling the truth. Like when I came down with the mumps!

I was holed up for a month when I broke out with the mumps. I had to break my first date with Lindsay Crosby. I had to miss out going to the premiere of "The Buccaneer" with Kenny Miller. I was sick that night, and I still get sick thinking about it. Can you imagine missing all that fun? I got so many flowers while I had the mumps that I thought I was in a funeral parlor. I used to lie on my bed with my arms crossed to practice how I'd feel when I was dead.

I never knew what a myth the wolf scare was ....

I've yet to have my first date with a wolf. All I can say is that Little Red Riding Hood must have done something to lead him on. I never give a boy the chance to be a wolf, let's put it that way. A boy knows from the moment he meets you whether he's going to be a wolf. Boys take their cues from girls. If you go out with the idea of having nice, clean fun, that's what you're going to have. A girl's mood is catching--like mumps. A boy isn't going to be a wolf with me because I expect him not to be.

I never knew how simple it is to handle the kissing problem ....

I found out that you don't have to ward off boys trying to shower you with unwelcome kisses. In fact, I was only in the fifth grade when I learned that kisses are precious and that it's a wise girl who bears that in mind before giving them away. I was living in Mineola, N.Y., at the time, and there was this boy, Doug, who used to walk me home from school. He was in the eighth grade, and he had freckles and rode a bike. He was an old man. One day when he dropped me off at the front door, he kissed me on the cheek. Then as now I didn't take a kiss lightly. He gave me his identification bracelet, and I wore it for two weeks. But it didn't turn out too well. The other kids wouldn't talk to me, and I decided going steady put you right out of the running. Since I've been dating, I've found out a kiss doesn't have to be a standard way of saying goodnight. I'll kiss a boy goodnight only when it means something--when I like him. I'm certainly not going to kiss everyone I go out with. I'll just tell them, "Watch out! You'll get the mumps!"

I never knew how nice a nice boy can be ....

I never realized that one of the most pleasant aspects of dating would be appreciating a boy's thoughtfulness. You feel so special when a boy acts as though the most important thing in the world is your comfort and well being. You feel so warm and you just glow all over. It's kind of like knighthood in flower, I guess.

Along the same lines, I never knew what a thrill it could be to have a date give you flowers or a box of candy when he comes to pick you up at home. Sometimes, when a boy brings flowers, they'll be little violets that they sell on street corners. They're so cute. I love that. Just one rose makes me happy. I never knew, either, how much it would mean for a boy to phone to let me know he was leaving to get me, so that I'd have a fighting chance to be ready when he arrived.

I never knew what a nuisance the telephone could be ....

I don't know about other girls, but I discovered that talking on the telephone is one of the least agreeable features of dating for me. I just don't like to talk on the phone. I like to see people when I talk to them. On the phone I feel like I'm talking to myself. I'm a monster on the phone, When my phone rings I pick it up and bark, "Hello. What do you want?"

The only time I don't mind a phone call is when a boy calls me long distance. That's the only kind I like. A girl can't help being flattered when a boy thinks enough of her to phone her long distance.

I never knew that you could go to such interesting places. . .

I've found dating an absolute "open sesame," unlocking a world of wonders. I've found out on dates that there are so many sides to life, so many exciting and different things to do and places to go. You can go to the beach for hamburgers. You go to different places with different boys. You go to movies, to premieres, to dances, to studio parties, for drives in the country, horseback riding, and even surfing--now that I know how to surf a little. I love to have dinner at La Scala, Villa Capri and the Marquis. I adore the cafe espresso coffee houses on Sunset Strip.

But most of all, I love going to the movies on a date. I love to eat popcorn and drink Cokes at a movie. I can't sit and watch a movie without eating popcorn. We sit down to see a picture, and right away the shoes come off. Oh, I just adore movie dates. I notice everything that happens on the screen, and l'm always exclaiming about the makeup or something else, and I'm forever giggling about funny sequences. People in back of me are always telling me to shut up.

I never knew what a ball a Coke party could be. . .

I was in Texas recently on a public appearance tour promoting two of my Universal-lnternational pictures, '"Restless Years" and "Imitation of Life," when I learned what fun it is to date at a Coke party. At one of them I met Harry James, Jr., son of the band leader, and he taught me to dance the Lindy. But mostly, I never knew how much fun young people could have together until I went to a Coke party staged by the students of Baylor University. There's such variety and freedom at Coke parties. You can stay as briefly or as long as you like. When I got there, I didn't think I'd want to stay more than a few minutes. But I had such a good time, I never left. I closed the place.

I never knew how dangerous gossip can be ....

I never knew that when you're old enough to date you're old enough to be gossiped about---and, worse, lied about. A few months ago at Universal, I was at a party given in honor of director Henry King's 40th anniversary in movies. He'd just finished directing Rock Hudson and Jean Simmons in "This Earth Is Mine," and at the party I met Rock. It was the very first time I ever talked to him. Yet soon after there were reports, some printed in magazines, that we were dating. I never heard anything so fantastic. My poor grandmother read it in New Jersey and called me up in tears, wanting to know what I was doing, dating a man twice my age! I had to explain to her all over again that she couldn't believe everything she read--particularly about dating. Not that dating Rock Hudson would be so awful. Wouldn't it be nice if he waited for me to grow up?

There's so much I never knew about dating, and there's so much--thank goodness---I still have to learn. To tell you the truth, dating is an education, and education can be fun!




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